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6 changes: 6 additions & 0 deletions isis.sql
Original file line number Diff line number Diff line change
Expand Up @@ -104,6 +104,12 @@ create temporary table temp_report_texts (
copy temp_report_texts (report) from stdin;
Agent infiltrated the mansion and spiked the opposition leader''s footwear with the specified hallucinogenic substance. No security mechanisms were encountered.
Echelon was compromised without detection and the desired results for conversations matching the search terms "nuclear", "3d printer", "matinee idol", and "infidelity" were recovered.\n\nAwaiting further instructions in the field.
As directed, a listening device was planted inside the hoodie of the target''s coat. Detected evidence of counter-measures being deployed; suspect target is actively spying on our team. Determined location of target''s hideout in Vancouver suburbs; hideout looks like an ordinary camping tent, but contains various mechanisms and machines inside.
Agent scaled office building using suction cups, located target, and planted listening device. Agent was detected by security; attempted to flee but was entangled in a net. Agent was dumped into a lava chamber.
Mission was harder than it appeared. Successfully released captured agent from their constraints, but failed to detect a trap that burned off much of the agent''s clothes. After subduing opposition guards with a whip, a suitable uniform was acquired and we eluded detection for the remainder of the mission.
Attempted to defuse a time bomb located deep in a red diamond mine. Asked a friendly miner to guide us through the mine; team member trailed at an insconspicuous distance. Sufficient quantities of water were available to defuse the bomb; but unfortunately, the water simply evaporated due to the extreme heat of the mine.\n\nAborted mission on first attempt, but returned with a sealed water container and successfully doused the bomb one second before it was scheduled to detonate. Mission accomplished.
Agent located the misile launcher in the primary school yard disguised as playground equipment; however, arrived too late to prevent the missile from being launched at the university. The agent notified the university administration, and the building was successfully evacuated before the missile landed, but unfortunately the academics were directed into the path of a rock slide initiated by the enemy agent''s tectonic blaster. Disaster was only averted by the use of our sonic pulverizer; while all lives were spared, the enemy is now aware of our latest defenses.
Mission was communicated via self-destructing message to our most experienced agent in the field, whose memory is unfortunately beginning to fail. Agent improvised by drinking a variety of martinis and gambling, losing most of our agency''s annual budget to the yakuza. In the process, the agent tried (but failed miserably) to seduce a number of members of the opposite sex. Mission failed. Also, our agency is financially ruined and has suffered a severe blow to its reputation.
\.

insert into reports (agent_uuid, "time", report, attrs)
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